Hey I must be really bored huh???

Its a Butterfly!
Its a tower!
Its a really cool cat!!!


So I was really bored one day and decided to play with my brothers magnetix and this is the end result. LOL I love them.

I Also just got a space at the computer desk!!!

Isn't it cool!!!

I just finished my Room!!!!!!

So I just finished my Room and wanted to share it with everyone! So Here it is!!!

Needing You......

I wish I could find my way out of this maze into where I belong, I have just been stuck inside too long and am ready to give up, but I will never stop, because you are there, and will always be there. But walking in circles becomes extremely frustrating and can do a number on the soul, god gave us mountans so we can learn how to climb but without you as my griphold i'd be lost forever.

LIFE SUCKS @$$!!!!!

Ok so here it is, I have no idea what to do. I hate my job to the point i don't want to go anymore. My dad says not to quit but i can't seem to do anything right when i am there, its so boring i fall asleep and then miss what they say and then mess up the call. well when i mess up a call, I get more strikes against me and I only get 3 because i am prbationary. I want to quit but my dad says no, because i haven't found a new job. I can't do the job anymore and just wanna quit tomorrow. I need some help, leave some segestions.

Everchanging Lives..........

Everchanging
http://www. youtube. com/watch?v=PQ-1F-JG400

This Is a song that I really like and reminds me of whats happening.

Everchanging- Rise Against


In the face of change
Is when she turned to me and said,
"I'm not sure anymore..."

And now, amidst the waves and the cloudless skies
that'd blanket the year before,
I watch my life wash ashore.

Have you ever been a part of something
That you thought would never end,
And then of course it did?
Have you ever felt the weight inside you,
Pulling away inside your skin,
And then something had to give?

Now the lines are drawn,
Is this feeling gone?
The best parts of this have come and gone.
And now there is all this is.
With the reasons clear,
We'll spend another year
Without direction, full of fear,
But now things will be different.

There's nothing simple when it comes to you and I,
There's always something in this everchanging life,
And there probably always will.
Now that time is getting harder to come by,
The same arguments are always on our mind.
We've killed this slowly fading light.

Now the lines are drawn,
Is this feeling gone?
The best parts of this have come and gone.
And now there is all this is.
With the reasons clear,
We'll spend another year
Without direction, full of fear,
But now things will be different.

Now something has kept me here too long
And you can't leave me
If I'm already gone.
That says that something
Has kept me here too long
And you can't leave me
If I'm already gone.

Now that we
Make the same mistakes, we're always hanging on.
Break those promises we're always leaning on.
All this time spent waking up.
I keep this line open to get this call from you
Speak the words
That keep me coming back to you.
Now this time it's all different.

Now something has kept me here too long
And now I'm gone...

Back again......

Once again I am back posting here to let out some frustration with the events of my everyday life. My long time now, practically ex-friend Micah and I are having a "spat"(and thats putting it kindly). Well I guess a story should always have a beginning, middle and end, and since I have started at the end of the story I guess I should go ahead and finish the other 2 parts. Today I am going to take a really long story and make it short, because there is material within the story that I wish not to be made public. So here is the story. Micah and I met in middle school, in 8th grade. He was dating my best friend at the time. We became good friends in high school, And we did the typical, I tease you, you tease me back, kinda thing; and back then it was totally ok. Well , we both graduated from high school and remainded friends for quite some time. Well as was natural for us we continued the teasing, and the way that we started teasing was getting quite old. After I got really sick of it and we made a deal that we couldn't tease each other and we were doing good, but as such things in life, it didn't last very long. Just a few weeks ago, things kinda have been going down hill. His teasing was buging me really bad. One night I got so upset that I made myself sick and the next day was in bed puking the whole time. Well, I had had enough so I talked to him about it told him that I didn't want him doing that anymore. It never really did work out the way I wanted it to. Just the other day micah was teasing me about me being a tom boy, which in the sence that he used it in, I have girlier friend that had more guy traits then me, and he only calls me a tom boy. so I called him a name that we have been calling him since he bought his new car, because my dad had come up with it. He got all defencive and asked why I went for that one, "because it's the best one there is." So thats pretty much what started off the pissing match between micah, erie, and I. And at this point I have decided that if micah won't change then I will no longer hang out with him. Although I will be doing the fair because I promised I would. And also be housesitting for his mom near the end of the month, but regrettably I will no longer be hanging out with him. Maybe one day things can be simi normal between the 2 of us again, maybe not. But either way, I you are reading this, then I would like you to know that I did have some of the best time in my life with you and will never forget you. The time that we spent together was very important to me but as many things in life, not all things last forever. I hope that your life treats you fairly and you accoplish all that you dream. May your life eventually be filled with happiness and joy like you have never imaged, and the thing I hope the most is that you will never forget all the time we spent together and the knowledge that we learned from each other and the people that we hung out with. Here is a toast to all the trouble we might have gotten into had your quick thinking and quick mouth gotten us out of. I hope all your problems find themselves fixed and your nightmares never come true. It seems that once again I am not sure how to end a conversation with you. So Good~bye and Heres to hopeing our paths cross again.

Sincerely,
Constance

Well Hello Again....

Well Hello again,
Life keeps moving forward even if your stuck in the past. Life always seems to throw curves into the mix when you least expect them, some for the better and some for the worse. Some people are good at going with the flow, and others, well, lets just say that they fall behind. Much of what I just said is true for most of us, and me especially. Only I'm the one falling behind, or at least it feels that way. Did you know that some habits die hard, like caring about someone that is no longer here, or driving a certain way. When you have been doing something for a long time its hard to change. People don't like change, some more then others. I am one of those people. Its hard for me to change because I don't like it. Recently I have gotten a few tickets for speeding, so I have to change the way that I drive, I can't speed everywhere any more. So far its ok, but most of the time it doesn't stick. I only hope this one will. I see people change right in front of me. My biggest problem is that I am back home. My old habits are coming back, and I am desperately trying to stay the way that I had become. It seems that I'm forgetting things more, conversations that I have had, things that I've said almost as I've said them, and things that I'm suppose to do, or things that I'm not suppose to do. I'm trying to do better I've started keeping a book of whats going on, what I need to do, among other things. But, sometimes good ideas come to late. Things seem to be falling apart around me and I'm not sure what I did to cause them, or more importantly, how to fix them. I wish that I could find the right words to say, but everything comes out wrong or jumbled up, or mixed together in a way nobody can understand. I just don't know what to do about it, I've got a doctors appointment at the end of the month and I'll be telling him. He may know what to do. I hope so. Maybe I'm just going crazy, and need a bunch of psych meds. LOL. And the world just keeps spinning around me, I guess till then I just need to keep my head down and keep quite till then. Till next time, TTFN!!!!!!!!!! Oh and Thanks for reading, Comments are welcomed and thanked. And thanks for visiting Mushi Bears Hundred-Acre Wood.

New In Town......

Hey All I'm new here in the blogger community and just wanted to say HI, so here it goes. "HI" Well that wasn't so bad, so then let me tell you a little about what has happened in my past. Lets see where to start, oh, I know lets start here: It was September of '03, my grandma and grandpa were leaving from our house because they were over for dinner, as they so often did. My grandpa ran out of gas a little less then a block away and it took him, I'd say about 15 minutes to walk a 2-3 minute walk back to our place. I had just came out because I was getting the mail and shutting the gate for the night, and discovered my grandpa huffing and puffing while walking towards me. That's when we knew there was a problem. In the next few months grandpa was able to sign up for the VA to get medical care because he served in the U.S. Navy, the doctors discovered that he had small cell lung cancer, one of the hardest lung cancers to fight, and it was grade 3 which was almost terminal. The doctors gave him 6 months to live. We were all very upset, and understandably so. Over the next few months, The VA gave my grandpa all kinds of different treatments like, kemo and radiation treatments. My grandpa was getting better, and the cancer was going away and things were kind of returning to normal. I Graduated High school in 2004 and started college in spring of 2005. In summer of 2005 my grandpa has a seizure and we took him back down to the VA. They run some tests and find out that the cancer in his lungs metastasized to his brain. The tumor in his brain was inoperable, and the only thing that they could do was more radiation and kemo. So over a few more months my grandpa underwent the max radiation that they were going to be able to do to his brain. So basically, after this round of radiation if it started to grow again all they could do was comfort him. After we found out that the cancer was in his brain I moved in with them to help them out around the house. Well the swelling went down and the clumsiness and numbness in his hands and feet went away, and again things got a little better. But, as always things get a little better before they get worse. Its now just a few days after thanksgiving and something happens to grandpa and he loses conciseness and thrashes about in the water bed, that my grandparents share, in the middle of the night. My grandma ends up getting him out into the living room and into his favorite chair after all his thrashing pops a hole in the water bed. I don't wake up till about 8 after grandma has been sitting out in the living room for several hours keeping him there and has to go to the bathroom, because she couldn't leave him. So I take over watching him while grandma uses the bathroom and gets dressed in warm clothes. While my grandma is doing that i take a look at grandpa and see his right eye drooping, which i though he might have had a stroke, because I was taking medical classes at school. I was right in the middle of my Anatomy class while this is all happening. My grandma gets back and we decide that it would be best to call my mom and have her take us down to the VA in Loma Linda again. Well we show up and go strait to the emergency room and I make sure that I told them what i saw. They took him back and it took 4 grown men to hold my grandpa down while they put a catheter in because even though my grandpa was 62 he was still as strong as an ox. They got grandpa calmed down with medicine and run lots of tests. While the tests were being run, my grandma thought that this might be the last time we get to see him so we called the family and everyone showed up that was in so cal. It was nice to see everyone, but very sad considering the circumstances. well they kept grandpa for a while and in that time we arranged for in home nursing care, and got ready for the landslide that was in front of us. Within a few weeks the doctors say that he kept having small strokes and progressively got worse as time went on. We started having hospice care in less then 2 weeks of bringing him home. They were very great with how they treated him. They gave him bathes every couple days and made sure he was comfortable. On December 23, 2006, the nurse came as usual and gave him a bath, when she had grandpa on his side he saw grandma and told her he loved her. Grandma started crying because that was the first thing he did in a few weeks. After that grandpa fell back to sleep. It was Christmas vacation so Randy, my then 12 yr old cousin who lives with grandma, stayed the night at a friends house that night. I was sound asleep in my bed when grandma came in at about 3am to tell me that grandpa passed about an hour ago. I don't know if it was because i was still sleepy or because it didn't sink in but I didn't cry when she told me. I jumped out of bed to comfort her, and have her call and tell dad. When they arrived less the 10 minutes later we all said our byes, and that's the second time I have seen my dad cry. We had a beautiful service for him in January, at the riverside veterans memorial. It was a very hard thing form me to do having to say goodbye to someone I loved dearly. I miss him all the time, but whoever said all wounds are healed by time, was only half right; All wounds are healed by time but whats left is never the same. The past is always there, there is no way to run from it, the only thing we can do is live with what has happened and "Keep Moving Forward." Well until I post again TTFN (Ta Ta For Now) hoo hoo hoo hoo. Thanks for visiting Mushi Bears Hundred-Acre Wood!